By Amy Gudmestad, MICC CEO
This fall marks my 22nd school year at MICC. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot—both as a professional working with neurodivergent young adults in one of the most significant transitions of their lives, and as a parent of two now college-age children, making their way in the world.
MICC has shaped my career, my leadership, and most of all, my parenting. I’ve given plenty of advice to new families joining our community, but now, as I watch my own kids step into independence, I find myself needing to take that very same advice. And let me tell you—it’s still hard.
Happiness and Confidence Aren’t the Goal
If you ask most parents what they want for their child, you’ll hear the same thing I do year after year: “I just want them to be happy and confident.”
As a mom, I completely relate to this. But as someone who has spent over two decades educating college-age neurodivergent adults, I know that happiness and confidence aren’t goals we can directly give our children. They’re outcomes. By-products.
What I have witnessed at MICC is that true happiness and confidence come from trying new things, failing and trying again, hard work, making decisions (good and bad), forming friendships, and contributing to something bigger than oneself. These are not gifts we can wrap up and hand to our kids—they’re skills they must earn, one step at a time.
Our Real Job as Parents
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned at MICC is this:
Our job as parents is not to make our children’s lives easy. It’s to prepare them for life without us.
That means stepping back, and this is a hard one because I know with the first few steps backs, we likely see a failure or disappointment appear, and that hurts parent hearts. We don’t like how it feels, but with every opportunity for them to experience those negative feelings, the more they will build their intuition, which we want them to rely on as they move into their adult lives. At MICC, we expect this and build support around it — you’re not alone.
As parents, we need to give them the opportunities to solve problems, advocate for themselves, stumble, and grow. What was once our job when they were children, to fix things, speak up for them, can become limiting to their personal growth when they’re adults. Independence requires practice. And practice requires us, as parents and caregivers, to let go of control, even when every fiber of our being wants to step in and help.
The Power of “Let Them Be”
For full disclosure, there is a very popular book on the bestseller list right now by Mel Robbins, titled “Let Them.” I have been sharing this message for twenty years and clearly missed the opportunity to publish this thought into a book.
At many colleges, parents hear the same advice at orientation: “Let them go.”
At MICC, I say something different: “Let them be.”
- Let them be themselves.
- Let them ask their own questions and be curious.
- Let them make mistakes and cope with the consequences.
- Let them form friendships, try new things, and explore the world.
When we let them be, they gain the skills and resilience to create their own happiness and confidence. Letting them be doesn’t mean stepping away completely – it means partnering differently. I always ask myself – what type of parent does my adult child need me to be, that helps me show up in our new relationship.
For Parents: Shifting Energy
If you’re like me, your instinct is to pour all your time and energy into your child’s journey. But here’s the truth: while they are learning, you need to keep living (and learning) too.
Give yourself permission to invest in your own relationships, hobbies, and adventures. Become interesting—so when you FaceTime your young adult, you can share what you’ve been up to after they tell you about their week. This not only benefits you, but it also demonstrates to them that life continues to expand at every age.
Hard Truths and Beautiful Growth
I won’t sugarcoat it: your young adult will likely fail at something while at MICC or any other post-secondary experience they undertake. My mom heart aches even writing that. But it’s in those failures that I’ve seen the greatest growth. When students pick themselves up, show resilience, and keep going—that’s when confidence shines the brightest.
And you’re not alone in this. At MICC, our staff walk alongside your young adult in those moments, helping them learn skills, problem-solve, and build resilience. I like to consider the relationship between the staff and families as a tag team effort. You get to be the loving, encouraging parent while we guide the skill-building—even when it means sometimes being the “bad guys.”
My Parenting Reality
Now, as I drop my own kids off at college, I’m standing right where many of you are: torn between wanting to protect them and knowing I need to prepare them. It’s humbling to realize that, despite my years of experience, my heart still struggles with the same things yours does.
And maybe that’s the point. Parenting changes, and with those changes comes new wisdom.
So, as I head into this new parenting stage with you, I’ll keep reminding myself of the lessons MICC has taught me:
- Happiness and confidence are earned, not given.
- Our job is to prepare, not protect.
- And the most powerful thing we can do is let them be.
- Here’s to the next stage of growth—for our young adults, and for us as parents, too.
Amy Gudmestad
CEO, MICC